…I would make you stay, so I don’t have to say you were the one that got away.
“We’d keep all our promises, be us against the world.” ~ I can’t think of a line more appropriate.
Love love love that song! How utterly appropriate that it’s popular now, at least here anyway because everything’s late.
Some days are better than others, and this is one of those days.
Anyway, great news. Guess who got to talk again? I know, I know, it’s not like we’re back together again, but it’s been a while since I had a smile on my face for several consecutive hours, and it felt great. I tried my lame attempts at flirting but that didn’t get far. I wonder if she knows that getting even a little bit of her time in the day really makes me happy?Guess that’s something I never showed as a boyfriend. Funny how you can have everything and never notice until it’s gone. More sad than funny, actually. About that, it really upsets me how bad of a boyfriend I was. I swear on everything I won’t make those mistakes again, I’m better than that. It’s more than just letting her down, I let myself down. Now I guess I have to shoulder a little more guilt, because for most of the time we were together she was good to me and she didn’t deserve how I treated her. Here’s a funny story I just thought about. It was maybe 2-3 weeks before I went to basic training and I was out with my friends at platters on 53rd and 6th in the city. We were walking up to get food, and we talked about how crazy it would be if I met someone a week before I left. Sure enough, the Universe in it’s crazy way made it happen. Her and I became enamored with each other very quickly, spent several nights talking all night, just like we did tonight, and spent one day together before I left for several months. It’s one of the happiest days of my life, and it forever will be. It’s funny that I’m tearing as I’m writing this. Tears of joy, don’t worry. I know that for the past few days, I’ve been complaining so much about how bad life is, how much I wish things could go back to the way they were. But now, I feel something so much better. A huge sense of gratitude. Just recognizing its presence gives me goosebumps and makes my eyes well up with water. I’m so thankful for everything we were able to share, thankful for all the feelings we felt. It’s been such a beautiful experience and I am so, so thankful that God thought I was worthy enough to have love visit my life, and better yet with someone beautiful. I’m stricken, I still am. It’s interesting how these things work. I’m divided right now, as there is one side of me hurting for the loss of the love of my life, and the other side happy and thankful, thinking, “how lucky are you for having her in your life? you’re lucky it was even that long!” The funniest part, people who know me know I’m rambling when I’m happy about something which is what I am doing right now. I feel like this is the only place I can shout at the top of my lungs how much I love Isabea Pelino! I love her I love her, I LOVE HER. Sorry ladies, but as for now and indefinitely, my heart belongs to her. I’m okay with that. Let me just say, I’m still hurting. I just want to be very clear about that, but I’ll be the best person I can be for her, secretly of course. (Don’t tell anyone, okay?) I just gotta say, talking to her again feels so amazing. I’ve always been good at hiding my emotions, but this is a LOT of love to try to hide. Definitely out of my comfort zone on this one. One time, we watched Dolphin Tale together, and we were the only people in the theater. Honestly, it felt like we were the only people on Earth, and it was a good feeling, just her and I. I’m keeping that one close to the chest. :)
69 - her sense of humor.
Gosh, is this ever sexy? THE MOST AMAZING sense of humor I’ve ever seen in a female. Whether she’s fobbing out, making a racist comment, or a corny joke, it always lands when I hear it. I think it’s such a big deal to me because I’ve met girls that are so dense, and I never thought that there would be another person who finds what I find funny, funny. This is something so rare nowadays, I think people who laugh at the obvious are so lame, and I’m glad that there’s someone like me out there that has a complicated sense of humor. I guess in that sense, we’re not so different, right?
okay, i just made myself sad again because I miss having her in that way. sorry, it’s just the selfish part of me taking over. my unconditional loving side, that loves her for everything she is, wants her to be happy and satisfied with everything, but there’s the side of me that knows it’s me that can get her to reach her happiest point ever. well i screwed that up royally, maybe in another life.