no, i’m not being ma arte, this is truly agonizing. it’s like someone is standing on my chest 24/7. i can’t breathe. i’m drowning. it’s like i have no pulse, food has no taste, nothing is the same. this is so painful.

i’ve never prayed so much for anything in my life. 

i don’t know what’s going on anymore and i hope you haven’t yet moved on from me. it hasn’t even been a month, could you already be thinking of someone else that way? i really hope not. it will be a very, very long time before i could ever even think of a possibility in which you are not my significant other.

i don’t know what else to say or do, except keep writing. it won’t be long before i have to seek help. i really feel hopeless and i don’t want to do anything stupid. i’m trying to show that i can be strong and stable and you see that i’m fit to be with, but it’s surely difficult.

someone on the outside would think that we barely care about each other, being that we barely spent any time together. but you and i both know this is not true. i love and care for you so much and this is the worst torture ever. please, i need you in my life again, i’m really ready now. 

please God, grant me the strength to endure this pain and to understand why. no matter how hard i try it’s like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. prayer helps. but i’m losing steam every day. i’m trapped in a prison where there is no escape. i neglected my only window to happiness and now she’s gone. please, i desperately need your help.

if i could pray for something , selfishly, it would be for you to bring her back to me that we may be each other’s one and only love. please God, i’ve never wanted anything so bad in my life. if you bring us back together, my life is yours. i don’t need to explain why or how but just look into my heart and soul and see the pain and longing and true unconditional love that is there. please provide the grounds for which it can flourish again. i know for certain that anyone who has ran to your for help, returned to believing after long absence has been forgiven and not gone unaided. please remember me, i’m so sorry for everything.